RobiNZ Personal Blog

iPhone, not MyPhone

They’ll cost $199–699 to buy, $80–250/Month to run and that’s for 24 months… and still won’t do what I need.

Vodafone can keep it!

Humphrey Lyttelton

I’m dreadfully late posting this. I knew of Humphrey’s jazz but it’s the Chairman of “I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue”  I’ll miss most, thanks Humph.

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Obituary: Humphrey Lyttelton
Humphrey Lyttelton: Raconteur, wit and father of British jazz

Slow truckers

From The Now Show (talking about the rolling road blocks in Britain)

“…a fairly pointless protest really. If causing great convoys of slow moving traffic gave you political clout then the Caravan Club would be the most powerful lobby group in Britain”

A miracle?

He has arrived!

Shipment	Location	Date	Time
International	United States	06/25/08	5:23pm
Arrived Abroad	New Zealand	07/01/08	7:29am
Out of customs	New Zealand	07/01/08	1:54pm
Delivered Abroad	New Zealand	07/01/08	5:18pm

More to follow…

George Carlin, dead but not forgotten

After years of hearing George Carlin on the radio, or video tape, I had the pleasure of seeing him perform in 2004. I was in Vegas for Autodesk University and he was performing at the venue, the MGM Grand.

He’d just released a book "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" and was extremely proud that it was both banned by Wal-mart and selling well.

He was brilliant, a legendary comic who was on form the night I saw him. Thanks George, dead but not forgotten.

George Carlin, Splenetic Comedian, Dies at 71 - Obituary - NYTimes.com

Spam Delights...

Mailwasher lets you see the spam, and delete it, before you download it but sometimes it’s actually worth reading:

• What a pace…
• In just as little as 2 *weeks* you can have a masters degree form a national university. Learn in your own home at your own pace.
• I thought I was special but…
• We have over 2 million registered users who are looking for the same things as you.
• I aspire to be…
• AreYou ReallyHappy with BeingAverage?
• Spam Advice;
• Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up. If it don't go up, don't buy it.“
• That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees.
• Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
• Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect.
• Always remember when you are on top of the world , that the earth rotates every 24 hrs. (Eh?)
• Strangely, for spam, it was talking about stock;
• It is going to be HUGE!!
• Reminds me of the school run in winter;
• Their brave recreational vehiclesDeep in the fog that quenches every ray…
•  Shabby?
• ballerinas remain shabby

Project Virgle, Ben Elton's "Stark" becomes a reality?

When I saw this post I first thought of the date it was posted, 1 April, but soon after Ben Elton’s novel Stark:

Australian billionaire, Sly Morgan is invited to join the Stark Conspiracy, a group of the world's richest people who plan to save themselves from the Earth's impending environmental doom [by buggering of into space]. (plot via IMDB except for the buggering off bit which I added)

Never know, it may happen  

Official Google Blog: Announcing Project Virgle
Posted by Sir Richard Branson, President and Founder of Virgin Group

In my life, I've had a lot of exciting adventures and launched a lot of ambitious business ventures. I'm delighted today to announce Virgle, Inc., a joint venture between the Virgin Group and Google which qualifies on both counts.

Virgle's goal is simple: the establishment of a permanent human settlement on Mars….

Alan Coren dies

Sad to read this. In addition to “The News Quiz” I remember Alan from appearances on Clive James, Parkinson and other talk shows. He will be missed.

Alan Coren dies aged 69 | Top News | Reuters
Humorist, broadcaster and commentator Alan Coren has died aged 69 after suffering from cancer, the BBC said on Friday.

The Church of Google?

Does the Flying Spaghetti Monster have a rival? 

» The Church of Google

We at the Church of Google believe the search engine Google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God (as typically defined). We believe there is much more evidence in favour of Google's divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods…

via Bad Astronomy Blog

Things to avoid at 70

My Dad is 70 tomorrow. I saw this today & sent him the link. I hope he thought it was funny! 

Like a bag of crisps - QI : TV Clips:
Clive Anderson and Sean Lock compare jumpers... (38 seconds; 1.8MB)

The Italian Jobs...

A remixed Punto Ad:

And in Lego Part 1;

and Part 2 with the famous Mini chase around Turin

The Daily Show on "The land where they filmed Lord Of the Rings"

New Zealand bans political satire - America to the rescue

America to the Rescue - Fear not, New Zealanders, you may not be able to sh*t...

Fear not, New Zealanders, you may not be able to sh*t on your politicians, but Jon will be your anus.

PS: This proposed bill was thrown out. I was wrong, it wasn’t!

Lez Robinz...

Found on Flikr

 

Organising the biggest product launch

Imagine the pressure organising a huge launch event for a “bet the company product”*. Thousands of media, company associates, “reveal product”, staged events, TV, web and more to sort out with the whole nation waiting, watching. Then the phone goes…

 

* No it’s not the iPhone

Tags: Fiat+500

Dilbert: Not as funny in colour?

Scott Adams shares how he creates the Dilbert cartoons including the colour process used for the Sunday Strips.

I love Dilbert but I can’t figure out why it always seems less funny in colour. It can’t be the content, the author is the same, so must be my perception. The visual simplicity of a black line drawing communicates more, to me, than colour.

Or maybe I’m just lazy, the three panel black line strips are shorter!

 

The Dilbert Blog: How to Make a Comic Strip
Here's a visual tour of my comic-making process. If you are not already a syndicated cartoonist, just copy these steps…

Earl Vs Vodaphone, it's funny but it isn't...

Earl is coming back to live in New Zealand. That means organising all manner of things, including a mobile phone. His experience with Vodaphone is not encouraging…

A Networked World: A Broken System
There are days when I really believe that businesses really don't want my money. This beggars belief…

[Vodaphone] You have to tell me what kind of prepay
I DON'T KNOW, your branding is of NO INTEREST TO ME.
[Vodaphone] When does your wife get home?
Not till AFTER you have closed up for the day, there's a 2 hour time difference between here and there.
[Vodaphone] Well then you need to call 777 and navigate through the menu to find out what kind of account you have then call me back and tell me.
BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT
[Vodaphone] Yes but its a SECURITY question
YES, BUT YOU JUST TOLD ME HOW TO HACK YOUR SECURITY SYSTEM!!!!!!!  So its not REALLY a security system IS IT?
[Vodaphone] Yes but I need you answer 2 SECURITY questions before I can tell you anything.

Reminds me of Brazil, a favourite film:

• Sam Lowry: Excuse me, Dawson, can you put me through to Mr. Helpmann's office?
• Dawson: I'm afraid I can't sir. You have to go through the proper channels.
• Sam Lowry: And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information?
• Dawson: I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir.
• Sam Lowry: Thank you, Dawson.

Welcome back Earl!

Superb at Nothing

Seth Godin has an amusing post about specialisation, or lack of it:

Seth's Blog: Master of none

It reminded me of an interview with comedian Kenneth Williams where he said*:

“Today it’s all about specialisation. People are getting better & better at less & less. I’m going to take to the ultimate by being superb at nothing!”

For some reason that appealed to me!

* Note: I’ve quoted this from memory, think it was an Aspel or Parkinson chat show where I heard it.

Save the Kiwi (Apteryx) from the Flying Spaghetti Monster Kiwi Motivation Test

How could the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) threaten our national icon, the New Zealand Kiwi (Apteryx)?

This submission to a well recognised Government Conservation Agency explains it all:

Hi,

I’m currently reading "The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” by Bobby Henderson.

It’s the official gospel of the deity known as the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” (FSM) and gives the true story of creation from it’s beginning 5000 years ago to today. While that time period and the process may not quite agree with accepted scientific theory it gives convincing explanations for these anomalies.

Creation, the Big Bang, Dinosaurs, Fossils, Red Shifted Stars, Quantum Physics, String Theory - more correctly spaghetti theory - and the process incorrectly attributed to Evolution are integrated into a total world view guided by the unseen touch of the FSM’s Noodly Tentacles. 

It’s a wonderful book that will result in many converting to “Pastafarianism” but there is a risk. I’m concerned non-believers trying to disprove Pastafarianism may impact our threatened national icon – the Kiwi.

The reason for this is material that appears on pages 47 & 48. Its a rebuttal of Evolution titled “Kiwi Birds: Flight-less?”.  

It explains the Kiwis inability to fly, conventionally attributed to environmental aspects like plentiful ground feed and a lack of predators, is not proven. Prophet Bobby states that in addition to being spherical Kiwis are also extremely lazy. He contends that they can fly but simply lack motivation and choose not too. He argues, “You’ll never see me running but there is a good chance that I could”.

Later on there is a challenge to evolutionists, “Evolution is just a theory”, to test the “Theory of Kiwi Motivation” as summarised below;

• Requirements: A representative sample of Kiwis, 20 – 30 is suggested, a dump truck and a high cliff.
• Method: Drive the truckload of Kiwis to a high cliff, dump them over the cliff.
• Observation; Record how many Kiwis flap their “useless” wings and fly to safety.

For the sake of the tiny Kiwi population it’s imperative that we avoid hordes of evolutionists performing this test. Of course as a Pastafarian I believe that they will fly safely to roost in trees, for the first time, but it’s possible that our deity has made a slight mistake with Kiwi aerodynamics. Unlike many creators he does not claim to be infallible.

Therefore for the sake of all living Kiwis I must ask if any experiment like this, or other tests of motivation, have ever been done and if so what were the results?

Publishing these may save the needless motivation, or worse, of hundreds of Kiwis.

Regards…

Their response should be considered carefully by Pastafarians and misguided Evolutionists alike:

Here is the Linguini theory of creation turned into Raviolli

If creation occurred 5000 years ago, then the ancient seashell fossils in the rocks of Central Otago must have been put there by the evolutionary army. The coal that has been mined on the West Coast for the last 150 years must have been imported from China and buried there and covered with forests to make it look natural.

Coal formation takes millions of years and it is proven to be the fossilised lycopodium forests of the Carboniferous Period which occurred from about 354 to 290 million years ago during the late Paleozoic Era. . Hence our current problem of releasing 'greenhouse gases' into the atmosphere as we dig the stuff up and release it into the atmosphere at an alarming rate.

The ebb and flow of glaciation, marine sedimentary deposition and plate tectonics must have looked like a million super-charged bulldozers given the state of New Zealand currently

• The size of Mt Cook and the Southern Alps
• The geological distribution of various rock types hundreds of kilometres apart from the same source
• The vegetation cover of New Zealand.

We would have truly been the Shaky Isles! The only thing not moving would have been the moon and stars.

Beech forests have been known to cover certain parts of the islands (pollen records)and then after glaciation retreated, slowly advanced over the ground with their short distance seed dispersion mechanism. If your theory is correct, then the forests must have been turbo charged and leaped over a few mountains to attain their current distribution is such a short time-frame.  - If they did not get smacked around by earthquakes and disappearing dinosaurs.

Flying kiwi forebears have long ago decided not to waste their energy on flying.
If the life of a human could be used as an analogy for the evolution of kiwi, then your hypothesis of flying kiwi would be like giving up Rugby at 5 and turning out for the All Blacks at 75 with no training in-between. - You might remember the rules of the game but you wouldn't be any good at it!

Don't throw kiwi off cliffs, its not the height that is the problem - It's the sudden stop at the bottom.

Cheers…

To which I responded;

Thanks for your well-reasoned rebuttal. The apparent age, spread and location anomalies can be easily explained by the influence of the FSM's invisible Noodly Tentacles. As he says: Evolution is "just a theory", science is "just a collection of theories" 

Regards…

And got a further response;

Scientific theory is based on a series of incidents that meet % of probability that are generally accepted. If science is a 'just a theory' then things like computers would be just a theory and we would be still communicating using smoke signals. Flight itself is a theory that was scientifically reasoned and with the use of fossil fuels, (millions of years old in theory) the age of air transport has become the norm.

Cheers…

So I conclude:

• Don’t try the Flying Spaghetti Monster Kiwi Motivation test.
• Save the Apteryx, they need all the help they can get.

Credits: FSM Gospel Debunking by well recognised Government Conservation Agency, FSM Logo & Gospel via http://www.venganza.org/  – Kiwi Photo by Malene Thyssen, www.mtfoto.dk/malene/ via wikipedia, Miracle ‘toon via northcoastcafe

Tags: kiwi, Flying+Spaghetti+Monster

Pete & Dud do Thunderbirds - Superthunderstingcar

I’d never seen this before, thanks YouTube!

If these things were taxed...

Of course with GST, most these things are taxed!

via www.18doughtystreet.com

Destiny this way!

Or is it the other way?

From Pictures Of Walls  via Restarea300

A, B, C, Pot Noodles

Have I Got News For You at it’s best

Finally, sensible comment on Global Warming...

It’s all about donkeys!

Santa Claus Physics

Does Santa exist? Maybe, maybe not…

Is there a Santa Claus? - Morph Blog
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve…

Loving the Green Wing

This is by far the best thing on TV at the moment.  Mark Heap – Dr Alan Statham (back left in the photo below) – is the most brilliant in a hospital full of brilliant characters.

Green Wing
Welcome to East Hampton Hospital Trust
The doors have opened for another series of the BAFTA winning medical comedy. We say 'medical', not a lot really happens in the operating theatres which may explain the waiting lists...

Tags: Green+Wing, Mark+Heap

Friday the 13th Chicken

It was actually Saturday the 14th when I saw this but still laughed!

Savage Chickens: Another Friday the 13th Cartoon

Dinner with Billy Connolly

No, not me although I’d love to have dinner with Billy Connolly. I love his comedy & have seen him live a couple of times. I thought was going to die laughing, literally unable to breathe! Kiana emailed saying I might like this tale & I did! 

WOW Report: Celebrities at Large
“…the surprise of being seated at the next table to The Big Yin himself, Scottish comedian Billy Connolly.”

Tags: Billy+Connolly

The Simpsons meets Star Trek

This is so cool, a mix of The Simpsons & Star Trek themes performed on a Rhodes piano, Theremin and Funnel!

The Simpsons vs Star Trek - www.youtube.com

Update 01–09–2006; Fixed the link

Ricky Gervais explains Genesis

Planets, Light, Man, Women, Talking snakes and all…

Pharyngula: Ricky Gervais explains Genesis

Oddtodd's Secret Announcement

 Oddtodd goes to Hollywood to find fame, fortune and buy “coolio stuff like a helicopter submarine car with laser blasters!”

Top Secret Announcement All Unsecretitized! - www.oddtodd.com

“OK! Secret announcement time! Finally!

So I know this is going to sound a little weird or whatever and it's weird for me to say or even write...

...BUT PARAMOUNT PICTURES is interested in MaYBE doing a FEATURE FILM based around an unemployed character in a blue robe!!! (sounds sort of familiar, right?)!”

A packed beach in Summer

Don’t you hate it when the weather is great, you go to the beach but so does everyone else…

China

New Zealand

Via A Welsh View

BBC defends Top Gear

Yay, BBC defends Top Gear against those who have no sense of humour. They deserve a special sub-zero placing on the coolwall 

BBC - Complaints - Top Gear - General approach taken by the programme
Complaint
We have received a variety of complaints about issues covered in BBC Two's Top Gear programme and the approach in which they are covered by the programme's presenters.

The BBC's response
We acknowledge some viewers do not appreciate the Top Gear team's sense of humour…

www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/

Via autoblog.com

Hello? It's for me

It’s here so this classic is only a click away…

John Cleese will be happy

John Cleese loves Lemurs, they’ve just found him some more!

Endangered Animals : Another Chance To See: LEMURS - Three new lemur species discovered

Scott (Dilbert) Adams on the Ken Lay conspiracy

Forget “Moon hoax”, Roswell Aliens, & 911. I think Scott Adams has  found the next great conspiracy, or is he right?

The Dilbert Blog: Ken Lay
Does it seem suspicious to you that ex-Enron CEO Ken Lay died right before they could put his guilty ass behind bars?
I wonder how many doctors you need to bribe to fake your own death….

Bill Bailey's "Old Pub Joke"

Bill Bailey takes "The Pub Joke" to a whole new level...

via Tony Goodson

Money Will Not Make You Happy?

If money doesn’t make you happy you’re buying the wrong stuff!

Businesspundit: A Wheelbarrow of Money Will Not Make You Happy

Nancy Cartwright in Auckland

I saw Nancy Cartwright's (Bart Simpson) One Woman Show show at the comedy festival. It’s a mixture of Simpsons sketches, behind the scenes tales/trivia and how being America’s best known 10 year old boy changed her life. The vocal performances were just amazing but one thing had me puzzled; Why did a theatre full of Aucklanders erupt in laughter at Ralphs inane cry “I’m Idaho!” in this sketch? *

Principal Skinner hands out awards at the geography pageant;
Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
 Ralph: I'm Idaho!
Skinner: Yes, of course you are.

www.snpp.com/episodes/1F08.html

 

* Perhaps like me they have friends from Boise to annoy with blog posts!

Upon the radioactive ash

I hope not, the view looks familiar!

gapingvoid: upon the radioactive ash

"cartoons drawn on the back of business cards" by hugh macleod

View from Work

The Story of Easter by a Savage Chicken

This explains all; Resurrection, Rabbits and Chocolate Eggs…  

The Story of Easter

Hotel Rooms By The Kilo?

This is amusing, I’ve always thought air travel should be sold by the kilo. As a skinny little squirt it’s always made me wonder why the baggage allowance is the same for me as someone considerably larger…

A room in this hotel would cost me € 32.50.

German Hotel Charges Guests By The Kilo ~ Xtra Travel

Spin the Cat, then check the email...

This is the evening ritual;

• Arrive home from work
• Start the computer
• While it boots, Spin the cat…
• Check the mail

Download SpinTheCat.avi (4174.2K)

Note: No cats were harmed in the making of this video. It was mental before I started

The perils of marketing...

See www.savagechickens.com

Gidday Fred, good to see ya back!

John Clarke talks about the return his best mate, 70’s Kiwi comedy icon, Fred Dagg.

The Dagg Sea Scrolls - Radio New Zealand - The Arts on Sunday.
John Clarke talks to Simon Morris about the new TV show The Dagg Sea Scrolls (duration: 10'40) 
Via www.radionz.co.nz

Food People?

Food People maintain our food!

See all the Food People

Via kahsoon.com

Protect Your Cat!

Useful tip from Sketchblog;

Sketchblog » Blog Archive » The F.P.E.S. 0.0 - 1.1.0.

Today is a great day for the cat freedom movement! The prototype Feline Protection and Enhancement System is ready for testing!

To give a cat a pill

Not PC: How to give a cat a pill

Dilbert has a blog!

Well, it’s actually Scott Adams but you know what I mean

The Dilbert Blog – http://dilbertblog.typepad.com

The League Of Gentlemen's Apocalypse - The Movie & DVD

Are you local?

If you’ve ever seen The League Of Gentlemen (LOG) those words will strike fear into your heart.

The League Of Gentlemen's Apocalypse is nothing to do with the similarly titled League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen although they are certainly extraordinary. Writer/performer’s Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith and writer Jeremy Dyson have created a vast array of characters that populate a village,  Royston Vasey, the likes of which you’ve never seen before (I hope!).

It started when they met at college and created a comedy which became a Edinburgh Festival hit, award winning BBC Radio show, three BBC TV series, a Christmas TV Special, Drury Lane Live Show and now a Movie. For those in the U.K. there is even a LOG Pantomime currently touring.

Mark, Steve & Reece play most of the characters (close to 100) while Jeremy is only seen in cameos. The League of Gentlemen Character Index has character bio’s but contains some spoilers, if you haven’t seen the series.

The LOG movie made it to New Zealand as part of the Film Festival and I saw it at The Civic. On arriving I was somewhat relieved to find I’m not the only person in Auckland with a twisted sense of humour as the theatre was fairly full. I then wondered how wise it was to sit, in the dark, with a bunch of people who find these weird and wonderful characters amusing! 

In a grim isolated corner of northern England lurks the town of Royston Vasey. The local cab driver is a preoperative transsexual, the local butcher sells his special stuff to select customers, and the local employment counselor thinks people are like pens: "If they don't work, you shake 'em. If they still don't work, you chuck 'em away!" The rest of the village are quite strange and if you're not local, you should steer clear of the local shop, no matter how tempted you are by its precious things. To call The League of Gentlemen a black comedy would be an understatement…

In the movie the fictional world of Royston Vasey is facing apocalypse and the only way to avert disaster is for the nightmarish cast of characters to… 

Well that would spoil it. The movie would make sense if you haven’t seen the TV series but is more enjoyable if you have. The transition from the small screen is successful and they introduce some new character and plot twists in the process. It’s always a worry with TV comedy and something they parody in the movie.

Some DVD’s are available from Amazon.com, all from Amazon.co.uk.but check the regions to make sure they will play on your machine. If you are in New Zealand Marbecks have the LOG TV DVDs and now the movie. It’s probably the only way to see it as there is no sign of a regular cinema release here. It’s worth watching more than once anyway and you get some great DVD extras, even if you’re not local

This Is A Local Shop.com - The Official League Of Gentleman Web site

The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse DVD – Purchase on-line from Marbecks New Zealand  (They also have the TV Series 1, 2 3, & Xmas Special on DVD)
Starring Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith, David Warner, Victoria Wood, Bernard Hill, and Michael Sheen. Directed by Steve Bendelack.
Regions 2+4 -- Widescreen 1.85:1 Anamorphic -- Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround -- Colour -- 87 Minutes -- PAL

Fan Sites:
For a long time there was no official site and the LOG encouraged fan sites. They have some wonderful material.

• www.leagueofgentlemen.co.uk
• The League of Gentlemen Character Index
• www.lofg.com

Goodnight Ronnie

A legend passes, "and it's goodnight from him"